I don't even need drugs

So the past couple of weeks have been interesting, to say the least. My brain has not been functioning properly. It started in the last few days of my visit to Canada. I started having dizzy spells which progressively got worse, to the point where I felt like I was drunk. I was having trouble saying my sentences properly, and I was having trouble focusing - both mentally and visually. It was both frustrating and scary. It's gotten better bit by bit, but I still don't feel completely normal.
However. After working til quarter after 2 a.m. Saturday night, I had to be at work at 10 a.m. Sunday morning. Running on 5 hours of sleep, something happened towards the end of my shift on Sunday that really stressed me out to the max. Fortunately it was resolved within a few minutes, but in that time of stress, I was literally seeing spots and my ears were ringing. That's when it dawned on me: Could this whole thing be totally mental and caused by stress? If me getting stressed out at work caused me to see spots, it's a definite possibility. I'm working, I'm in a serious relationship, I'm planning a wedding and honeymoon, and I'm looking for a new place. It doesn't look like much in writing, but wedding planning is by far the most stressful thing I've done in years. The thing that's the most stressful is not organizing everything, but having to deal with everyone else's input of how they think your wedding should be. And listening to their expressions of disappointment that your wedding is not what they want. A friend of mine that just got married recently wrote me to suggest a wedding photographer. In that email she also thanked me for being so nice to her and her husband a few days before the wedding. She expressed that weddings bring up a lot of ugly stuff so it was nice to have someone around that was genuinely happy for them. I sort of understood what she meant when I first read it, but as time goes by and the wedding date gets closer, I understand more and more. Engagements and weddings are supposed to be a celebratory time, but the only thing I feel like celebrating is that it's going to be over soon and I can just be married. 
If anyone has any suggestions of how I can de-stress enough to just feel like I'm in a normal headspace, that would be appreciated more than I can say.

All Wedding, All The Time

I've been in Canada for the past 2 weeks visiting family and friends, with the main goal of designing and getting fabric for The Dress. The trip has been delightful. Full of tea, home-cooked meals, family and friends. There was a bachelorette party and bridal shower thrown in there as well. I'm going to miss tea, my friends, and - especially - my mom when I leave but I'm comforted by the fact that I will see many of my friends and my mom at my wedding in a little over 3 months. And then the lightbulb goes and I realize: HOLY CUPCAKES I'M GETTING MARRIED IN JUST OVER 3 MONTHS! I'm going to be white-dress-wearing, aisle-strutting, vow-exchanging, picture-posing, cake-cutting, first-dancing, bloomin' MARRIED. How crazy is that? Crazy cool.

A few things I'm excited for in married life:
*Our own place. It means our own bedroom, our own kitchen, our own washer and drier, our own stuff. Making meals for each other and even being able to walk around stark naked if we want!
*The Honeymoon. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, saynomore. Of course, I'm talking about getting to take a really nice vacation with someone I love...
*Developing a married life routine. Most married couples cringe at the word and I can understand why, but I am a creature of routine and some can be nice. Like having breakfast together every morning.

I've gotten some really good marriage advice while I've been here which has been both comforting and empowering. Everyone has been really nice and thoughtful as well. A few people have offered to contribute their own art as a wedding present which I think is really cool. I've always wanted to have a lot of art around my house and it's even better that I'll have some by people I know and love!

Well I must be off now to bed since I have to wake up early to drive to Toronto with my mom to look at dress fabric. Woo!

Sigh of Relief

It's all coming together. Thankfully I'll only be getting married once in my life (fingers crossed), so I'll be able to look back on these wedding planning months with a smile. We have the ceremony and reception sites booked! We're having the ceremony in the back yard of James' parents' house, where he grew up (and proposed to me). His mom and step-dad were really excited and sweet when we told them our plans for using the back yard for the ceremony. James' step-dad even said he'd build a gazebo for us to get married in! So James is planning on heading down there for a couple of weeks, after he finishes school in the spring to help get the place ready. The reception is going to be held at a place called Angel's Landing, which is a part of Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. I lived at Best Friends until I was 6 so I think it's pretty neat that the ceremony and reception are both happening in places where we grew up. Angel's Landing is beautiful, so I'm really excited to be having our reception there. Here's pictures!

 

So yeah it's a pretty nice place. There's a little river underneath the arch as I recall. If any of you creative types have any ideas for decorations, please feel free to give me your input! Instead of having the reception catered, we're going to give the guests maps of the city (with the programs for the ceremony) that have all the restaurants marked on it, and let them explore the city and eat where they want. Then, at the reception, we're just going to have a bunch of candy and treats for everyone. One of the general themes for the wedding is playfulness/fun/childhood, since we've known each other since we were kids, so I think the candy fits in well with that.

I've also got a pretty good idea of what I want my dress to look like. I'm flying up to Canada next week to visit my mom and go fabric shopping with her, since she's making my dress. Here's some pictures of the dresses I like :)

All of these are actually by the Disney Fairy Tale Weddings bridal line, which is why they have the names of Disney Princesses on them.

I like the Belle one the best.

We've also decided to use an iPod instead of a DJ (which I like because that means we can pick our own songs instead of relying on someone else), so if anyone has song suggestions then let's hear them!

I guess that's it for now!